Day 61: The Advantage of Busy.

Day 61 on the risk factor, day 2 of actually giving it my best go...

I'm beat, but in a really great way.

I realize right now giving it your best is a heck of a risk; if you fail on your best attempt there is nothing to hide behind. Good. That's what I need. Nowhere to hide.

I also am starting to understand the advantages of busy: no time to think.

Thought is obviously a necessity, but I sometimes hide there, get lost there or at the very least spend too much time there.

I am getting tougher on me now. I'm not changing this risk for a few days either. I got through 1667 emails today at work in a span of five hours. Mind you, I didn't move for five hours, but it felt really good. Whatever your job, and at this point I have had enough to speak with mild authority, one thing remains true: it doesn't matter if you love, like or hate it - if you show up for a day of work, then work to your best ability. That has nothing to do with your paycheck and everything to do with your character.

Here's to really giving it everything you've got. Thanks for reading. Happy Summer Friday in just a few minutes...

Day 60: Giving it your best.

Throughout my life my folks have always imparted the same advice no matter the task that lie ahead of me, "give it your best."

It's great advice. And right now, I am reevaluating exactly what that means.

Here's something I realize now about myself: I like giving things my best attempt. BUT, I tend to let me off the hook too easily. Now, I know there are certain wonderful people in my life that would say I'm too tough on myself. And they would be right regarding certain circumstances. But if I'm being honest with them, with me, and with you - I half-ass a lot of things. Sure, I start charging hard fresh out of the gates, but who doesn't? Go to the gym the first two weeks of January, it's evident: we all love the idea of a changing us, of fresh starts. But here's my question: how do we sustain change? How do we really give it our best all the time? Is exercising our best like exercising the body? Is our best a muscle we build? Perhaps.

It's what separates the pro's from the hobbyists. It's a challenge to give it your all - all the time, it really is. Yet, settling for less is really devaluing our worth, no?

I'm giving something my best right now. I'm teaching a class this Saturday. I could have taken the easy way out, and given a general piece of material for the whole class. But I didn't. I sat down, spoke (well, emailed) each student to get a better idea of them and what I could do to suit there specific requirements. Doing this meant I had about an hour to clean my apartment and workout before I sat down to type this.

So worth it. They feel better about their class, and you know what? Me too.

I'm going to keep imposing this one. It doesn't matter if I like the task at hand or not. It's not up to me to deem something worthy of my best effort. It's up to me to decide the type of person I choose to be. So even if it's not "the dream job," phoning it in never pays. It's still my potential.

It's a risk, a challenge and a step towards happiness.

Thanks for coming back. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being part of this adventure. Means a lot.

Day 57: Or 59 if you're counting...

I know I've been a bit erratic with the posting lately. The last few days have been a little time for a lot of thought. And the thing about thoughts, well at least mine anyway, is that they move quick.

Been reassessing, rethinking...a lot of re's lately.

Seems like when we're younger it's about what we will be, that's where the focus lies. The older I get the more I value how I feel, am I happy? Am I fulfilled. Truth of the matter is an occupation alone will not get you to these places.

The question that keeps popping us is this: what is the value of the risks I am taking?

In a way, I think I've been measuring it wrong for me. I don't want to spend a year taking risks for the sake of risks. I want to take a step everyday towards my ideal life. So the challenge I am posing to myself, and you if you'd like is this: what can I do today to make me happier?

This is what I am risking. I am risking secure for happy. I have no idea how I am going to do this. But what I love is that this project is changing me. I am about sixty days in, and I am changing.

Not the crash diet type of change, where you lose those last five pounds only to replace them with ten more. I am talking about the type of change that comes when you change your lifestyle. Bear with me...that's what I am doing.

But risk does pay: I received an email the other day from Ascent Aspirations, a print and online journal where I submitted my poetry - which was one of my first risks...I am getting published in August!

I will post a link up to the site when it goes online!

All it ever takes is putting your cards on the table. I am just trying to figure out which table I want to put my cards on. I wouldn't have been able to get here though without all of your kind words and encouragement.

Thank you.

Days 55 & 56: Drafts

Well, apparently I hit the wrong button yesterday and instead of posting, I saved as a draft . . .

To be fair, I never claimed to be a computer genius. : )

But instead of just posting yesterday's as though it were today - I am doing a rewrite...much like I am doing right now with most things.

I've spent the last several days rethinking my life. Writing down my life story proved one heck of a challenge; there I was with a blank piece of paper in front of me, and I was lost. Ten years ago that wouldn't have been a problem. But that's the thing about being really young: you are not quite formed yet, so a blank sheet of paper is no threat: that's who you are.

I heard that a lot in my late teens and early twenties, this idea that your personality wasn't anywhere near formed. At the time, I took it in as best I could. Truth be told, I had no idea what people were talking about. How could I not be a fully formed person? I felt like one.

I get it now. You really do change a lot as you grow. A lot. And now, having tried to write my life's story - I am realizing the value of drafts. Here's what I need to admit; I don't truly know exactly what I want anymore. But that's okay.

And if it's okay with you, my risk for the foreseeable future is to try and figure it out. To sit still as best I can and move in an actual direction. For a lot of years I had an idea of my life, but that idea doesn't exist in my day to day anymore. My choices now are to go with it, or write another draft.

I am writing another draft.

It's my risk. To step outside of what I thought I would be, and decide who I am going to become.

Thanks for reading, have a safe and happy 4th!

Day 54: Your Life Story.

Ever think about your life story? How would it read up until this very moment?

That's what's on my mind right now.

Off of yesterday's challenge: DO NOTHING, a task made possible by the lovely luxury a freelancer has of extra down time, I made a valiant attempt at nothing. Hell, why not call it a heroic stab at motionlessness. It's rough. It comes from the idea of really great improv: don't speak until you have to.

Apparently I like to move. At times, mindlessly. And when I take away the multitude of distractions freedom allows, I get really fidgety. I kept thinking, "but what am I doing?" Even talking on the phone I noticed the most popular questions are "what are you doing?" and "what did you do today?"

And today, I didn't have an answer.

What I do have is a general feeling of unease, and tiredness, which makes absolutely no sense. . .

Here's what I realized: The absence of motion will quickly propel you into action. I've moved about, busy a lot of times, but busy with what? Doing what?

Our chores and rituals seem to get in the way of us. And before we know it; they define us.

Stop moving. Start doing. That's the mantra for the rest of this blog.

So TODAY'S RISK/CHALLENGE: Write My Life Story.

I like to start everything from the end; there are no obstacles there. I just happen to read a passage in a book the other day that talked about writing your life story. I've never done that.

But I am doing that right now, right after I hit the publish button on this lengthy, run-on post.

Ever write yours?

Day ? : Returning...

Been away a bit, living the good old beach life...

But I'm back, and doing some housecleaning...in every which way.

We need that, don't we? Well, I do at least. And aside from the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, which I am pretty certain can actually clean away bad mistakes we make in addition to scuff marks, my favorite mind-cleaning technique to date is a long quiet walk. I like to take walks. And I don't mean a ten minute power walk; I am talking about a three hour-no noise-no phone-no anything but your thoughts walk.

It's liberating and recharges like nothing else I know.

I know my last risk was "thinking big," and I'm going to tell you: I'm stuck. I am stuck on thinking small right now. Immediate. Logical. Practical.

In short: completely uninspired.

But that's okay! I am okay with that.

So here is my solution, or rather attempt at a solution: Stop doing. Do nothing.

Sounds like, well...nothing, right? Ever try it? It's a lot like sitting in silence for a while. Do nothing (for a day, mind you.)

See, I like to move, I like to do, accomplish...blah, blah, blah. But it is in fact nothing but moving. In what direction, I couldn't tell you.

Stop moving, start thinking about the steps you want to take. And then, by all means: I'm getting to it.

But for today, the risk: DO NOTHING.

Day 50: Back...for a bit!

How does one get the life of playing eternally on the beach? If there is a better way to spend a few summer days, I have yet to discover it.

I meant to return to blogging yesterday, but there was a party set to start only an hour after we got home - so it was a hectic return!

Trips always have a big impact on me; even our quick overnight stays. Getting away from habits and routines is my drug of choice. I'd be lying if I said I was a gracious returning home type. I usually hate it. Not the home part, I love my place. And not the New York part, I still love this city...well most of the time.

It's that brief escape. The glimpse of the possible beyond my daily parameters. I crave that. Eternally it seems.

So, this day, this risk is different. It's not just a specific task to challenge myself to. Though there were plenty at the beach, I need a new kind of risk...

SO TODAY'S RISK: Think Bigger.

Yeah. It's general and vague, and seems wishy-washy no doubt. But it's not for me. Even within the risks I was taking, there was something a tad safe about them. But here's the thing: you want a big change? Make big changes. Think big.

Nick (also known as Wonderfully Supportive Boyfriend) has relayed one of his favorite quotes to me on numerous occasions:

You can't cross a chasm in two steps.

It's a good one. I think about it a lot. I want that leap. Right now, I just have to figure what it is.

Changing your mind is a necessity to changing your circumstances.

Days: 46, 47 & 48: Life's a Beach.

And that's where I am!

Taking the next three days off from the wild world of risk! Though I expect some risky days ahead! But due to shoddy internet access, I will be taking a few days away from the net.

Keep Chancing, keep risking - see you soon!

Days 44 & 45: Well, isn't that poetic?

A day after posting about the importance of consistency...I miss my first post.

Clearly, I am a fan of irony.

But, moving right along, because that's all we can do; I will simply say things happen which take priority.

I may have missed the post, but I did not miss the risk.

SO here is an abridged yesterday, and today!

SUNDAY:

The risk: Ask for advice on sketch.

When it comes to the creative process, sometimes you need another set of eyes. That is not easy for me. Asking for help in ANY way is not easy for me. I am one of the most stubborn people I have ever known. I like the satisfaction that comes from knowing I can do it all by myself. However, as I am learning it's not effective in pushing you towards growth. Now self-reliance is key; the strength that arises from pulling yourself up from down and out is extraordinary.

But it is the smaller moments, the "I'm stuck on writing a sketch for class, can you look at this?" Which will open up your eyes. And it did. I asked for input, showed what I knew to be sub-par work, and listened to invaluable feedback. Which brings me to today:

MONDAY

TODAY'S RISK: Start again.

With only hours till class tonight, I am completely rewriting this sketch, and I mean COMPLETELY. The advice from yesterday echoed exactly what I felt, and the advice-giver was completely in tune with what I was feeling about the sketch. I could call in sick. I won't. . . but I really do want to. Ah, wish me luck!

Day 43: Consistency.

Consistency is supposedly the death of good acting. While that may be true, it is the cornerstone of change.

Habits are like those jeans you've had for five years too long: comfortable and worn in perfectly. They are a constant reminder of who we believe we are, and the crutch we depend on to define us. What happens when you remove a habit? You make way for something new; not necessarily better, just new.

Here's my struggle right now: what new do I want to make way for?

It's a big question.

...and I'm thinking on it.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Well, here is where the commitment to risk is paying off; I picked a hard premise for a sketch. I am afraid of living up to it. But, I've kept me on the hook. And draft upon, draft upon draft I have stuck with it. I'm still not there yet. I will not throw in the towel...though I am tempted to call in sick just to avoid it. Old habits die hard.

TODAY'S RISK: KEEP WRITING.

Sorry it's not a new fresh and shiny risk, but I am STILL writing this four page sketch. Honestly, I can't remember putting in this much effort. And that kind of pisses me off. It's a habit of mine to coast, and do well. Not exemplary, but well. Sometimes even very well. Is that just me? I'm curious now, just how hard I can work and how strong a sketch I can make this if I choose to. I choose to.

Happy Saturday!

Day 42: Sometimes you have nothing to say...

And that's okay!

Today is one of those days for me; due to a poor choice of shoes and a thirty block walk to check out the MOMA...why I didn't suggest the train is beyond me.

SO happy Friday!

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Remember that thing I said about the sketch rule? Turns out the other reason I was hesitant was that I knew it would be HARDER...I was right. So as I sat in my boyfriend's car this morning for the alternate side of the street parking rule (I'm off, and offered - he didn't ask, in case you were wondering...which I don't think you are...) I thought about other sketches...easier sketches to write. And though I entertained it...

TODAY'S RISK: Keep Writing it.

I am still writing my original idea for the sketch. I'm not going to give myself an easy out. I know It's a funny premise, and I know one of the reasons I want to change it is the pressure to live up to a funny idea. So I am risking falling flat on my face, I am risking not having a sketch prepared for Monday. Why? Because it's not supposed to be easy.

Day 41: What rules are we playing by?

Ever wonder whose rules we tend to play by? Our own? Our parents, teachers? And when was the last time you questioned your "rules?"

I'm asking because I seem to have some of my own with completely unknown origins. Where did they come from? Do I even believe them?

Now, I'm not saying go out and get wasted and drive a car: that's reckless. But some of these more bizarre rules, like a self-imposed 9:30pm phone call cut off which is really from nowhere other than Curb Your Enthusiasm, and ideas I have formulated about how to contact people, what's business appropriate...they are as outdated as shoulder pads (which of course are making an undeserved come back...) but still. You get the point.

Why are we limiting ourselves? Let's break our own damn rules, huh?

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Website content: done! Marketing plan: Almost done! But in truth, that will never be done, just workable. I completely re-designed the web content so it's just a few sentences. I've noticed I read about a paragraph on most websites; I tried to set it up for people with my own limited attention span. Feels good to get it done. Here's a snippet from " The Class" section. Oh, I guess I should tell you this website is for private coaching for aspiring actors and hosts:

THE SESSION

This isn’t an audition with me; I want you to feel safe to mess it up, to be imperfect and find your voice. You can’t do that if you are worried about impressing. You made an investment in your passion; I am already impressed! So let’s get to work.

Any feedback you have to make it better is always welcome!

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Stepping Out of the Sketch Rule.

Okay, I have been putting off my sketch for class on Monday, for one reason: my idea steps out of the "rules" a bit. This weeks sketch has to do with Film Parody. And while I have a lot of ideas about that subject, there is one I really want to write; which will be a hard sketch to write. If it works, it could be really funny. So, I am going to take the leap, step outside of the lines and see how I play out of bounds...

Day 40: 40!

Can't believe I've been a this for forty days...wow.

I've actually noticed a lot of changes, but the most significant change so far is an overwhelming sense of relief. I think I have said that before, but it's worth repeating.

The relief that comes from taking control of what you want is extraordinary. I've been afraid of just letting life happen; that one day I would just wake up and be in the middle of a life I didn't know.

But now, everyday is a possibility; even when I cop out and take a risk I consider minimal. It's still just something for me. These risks and days add up to your life.
Just depends on you.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

This is harder than expected, and that's nothing new. I've wanted to channel all of my energy nto this project for three weeks now, and suddenly I find myself at a bit of a loss on how to do the thing I usually do for a day job...and that brings me to:

TODAY'S RISK:

As per a certain someone's (spot-on) comment on yesterday's post, I am going back (again) and getting these earlier risks completed. It's easy to start something, but seeing it through to the conclusion, well now that's something. So, the web content, the marketing plan (which is yesterday's in a nutshell) and another project I started and haven't gotten back to are on the agenda. And okay Nick, I'll risk f*^cking it all up. Promise. : )

Day 39: Be Remarkable...but how?

Almost finished with Purple Cow, the Seth Godin book I was talking about yesterday. This book is basically a challenge to the reader. The challenge? Be remarkable.

It's a tall order, BUT doable for EVERYONE. I love that. I believe that. Everyone has within them the power to be remarkable; it is a choice. And let's be honest: we know when we're coasting, and trying to fly under the radar. But why do we do this? I think for me I have associated criticism with "wrong." But I'm going to abandon that one and pick up Godin's idea of criticism: it means you're doing something worth notice.

Yeah, his is better than mine.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

It was my fourth sketch class yesterday, and it looks like my days of going first are done for a bit; I volunteered but was beaten to the punch and happily let it go to the other person - everyone that wants to should have the chance! But still a great class, first or not!

TODAY'S RISK: Starting the ball...

There's a fresh new project in the air, and I am thrilled to be part of it. So I am following Seth Godin's advice, and taking the risks that get (and sometimes don't) the results. One of the biggest aspects of my "day job" is about reaching out and finding people. But without the weight of a network behind me, and a clear path I am left to forge my own, and I am. The next few days are going to be phone-call heavy and of my own creation. It's unnerving, since the investment is larger here, but the payoff is so much sweeter. Let the games begin.

Day 38: Safe is a Risk.

Playing it safe is a risk. That's the motto of a great book I am reading: Purple Cow by Seth Godin. If you get a chance - check it out! Makes me feel like I am on the right track when I pick up a book that matches my mindset...it's the little things.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

Moment to moment, that was a great relaxing albeit rainy Sunday. I love days of not thinking about anything. Sure, it's not a dramatic risk, but even risk needs reprieve!

TODAY'S RISK: Fourth Class

I am literally out the door on my way to class, and I have all intentions of attempting to go first. Though my classmates have figured out that it has its benefits; I am hoping to still take that spot!

Lots of risks to come...stay tuned. Thanks!

Day 38: Grown-Up-hood...

Okay, so not a real word, but a real thing.

For some reason I was thinking about how much I have changed in the last decade this morning, and even with the lure of less responsibility and worry; I still wouldn't want to go back in time.

There is more stress as you get older, with more obligations and questions, true. BUT there's more you when you get older too; and I'm not talking about weight we might put on. When I think back, I can't remember having a clearly defined personality - and neither did most people I came into contact with of that age. Everything about you gets stronger and more pronounced with each passing day. A good friend of mine says that we become caricatures of ourselves when we hit old age. And I get that now, because by the time we hit old age (if we are lucky enough to)we know our strengths and our personalities so well that we play into them.

So don't worry about going back; be grateful that you get to go on.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

In thinking about creative endeavors, putting them in the realm of creating your life and livelihood around is exciting. And letting yourself change your mind: damn near most liberating thing yet.

TODAY'S RISK: Be Here Now.

That's the title of my favorite Ray Lamontagne song. If you get a chance, check it out. It's also a challenge. It's Sunday, be in the moment day. No thoughts ahead, just here. Present in the present. That's my risk.

Day 37: Mindset.

There's a great saying, and I'm not sure who to credit:

Ask for a miracle. It's possible. After all it's just a change of mindset.

It really is true, isn't it? Our sense of reality is based on our thoughts of any set of given circumstances.

Then how do we change our mindset?

Kind of simple I think: just change it. Your old thoughts can stay where they were: in the past next to your high school yearbook. Your life can change minute by minute; that's how fast our minds move.

I like that thought, so I'm going to stick with it.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

STILL NOT DONE WITH WEB CONTENT. Oh sweet something. I'm close now. So, that's something. I'm judging every word, I think it's time to rethink the approach and jus f*&cking write, and write...

On the plus side, I did finish the first draft of my third sketch!

TODAY'S RISK: Rethinking Creativity.

For as long as I can remember one thing has been true for me: I like to create. It's a general statement because my love for it goes from business to the arts. I started a Newspaper in elementary school, not to mention a failed lanyard business that got me in to some trouble with the principal.I liked to create characters, stories, paintings...you name it. But for some reason,I always associated all of that with hobby. It's all me, mind you. My folks could not have been and still are,one hundred percent supportive. And now, there's something new. Something I want to create, to be a part of. And I am spending time to meld my idea of "earning money," with those endeavors close to my heart. Stay tuned. I have a feeling that is the heart of why I am doing this blog in the first place...

Day 36: Embrace it.

We have two choices whenever we are faced with something new, risk or oncomfortable: judge it or embrace it.

Okay, we actually have a lot more than two choices, but for dramatic purposes and ease of blogging I'm going to stick with two.

It's obvious which one we ideally opt for, but getting to that choice is the question. Even with all this business of risk, I sometimes find myself saying, "that's not.." or "It's just..."

But I'm learning as I go, and one thing that keeps on popping up is this: trust it. It's secret option number three. Forgot about even just embracing it, have faith. Trust it. Trust the good the bad and the ugly; that is the key for me these days. Maybe it could work for you too?

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

Write website content. Again. And again, still not done. But I did it. I sat down and went for it, drew a blank, tried, walked away and walked back. It's not done though, which means:

TODAY'S RISK(S): Website Content AND Third Sketch.

I'm not letting myself off the hook. If working out hard has taught me anything it's that your results are up to you. It's just as refreshing as it is a constant pain in the ass to push yourself a little more each time. We are works in progress, but the work we put in determines where we go.

Also, on to the third sketch! And I'm giving it more thought this time; I guess that's what happens when you start to learn the process: you can play and work harder. I say bring it.

Happy Friday!

Day 35: Easy vs. Fulfilling

We think we want things easy, no? No stress, deadlines or added responsibilities. At least, I thought I did.

Not. The. Case.

I realize I enjoy those things. Well, not the stress bit, but that's more a reaction then a circumstance in a lot of ways I think.

But deadline and responsibility, not such bad things. I want a life that is fulfilling, not relaxing or easy. Don't we all want to be a part of something bigger than us? Aiming towards a goal, purpose? Maybe it's not that we're lazy by nature; we just need a different motivator. Something stronger and closer to our hearts than cold hard cash.

What's your motivation?

I think that might be the key to our potential.

Then again, I could be one-thousand percent wrong.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Man, oh man. Ever write content for your website? Basically you're saying, "hello, this is me. I hope you like me enough to work with me. What do I need to type to make you think I rock?" Needless to say, I spent a lot of time flipping over to Facebook. So I am still working on it, which brings me to...

TODAY'S RISK: FINISH THE CONTENT WOMAN.

Yeah, so the great thing I had going were I'd start a new risk was playing right into my love for starting and never finishing things. So I am not going to let myself off the hook. I am going to finish the content, and there's nothing I can do about it. Man, I'm tough.

Day 34: Rainy Wednesdays and Mini-Weekends.

Ah, gray rainy days. Sometimes we need them to slow us down. Am I the only one that feels obligated to get out of the house if it isn't raining? I'm no homebody, but sometimes a nice night in is all I want. It feels like a luxury.

Just you, a few hours and nothing planned. Rainy nights are a mini-weekend of sorts for me. After all, that seems to be what we all want: no set schedule, time to stretch and do what we want to do.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

I sat down yesterday, and took stock of all the risks I have laid before me so far. And know it's time to break them down into steps to keep things from getting overwhelming. I love that all the "work" I plotted is from me, and for me. Ain't that grand? Is there anything better than doing your own thing? I like it. Which brings me to . . .

TODAY'S RISK: Content for Website.

The idea of building a website is daunting, until you take the time to break her down into steps. So tonight, I am sitting down to write the content for my websites. I hate writing about myself, so it's time to suck it up and do it! Perhaps it's time to put on a pot of coffee...

happy wednesday!

Day 33: And Exhale.

Man, you've go to love the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry the risks have been lame the last few weeks, been working on a particularly challenging gig and a lot of my creative energies have gone towards that.

It would be an understatement to say it's been hard: it's been next to impossible. But unlike myself, I've not completelty resorted to kicking my own ass. Not completely at least. Growth, perhaps?

But it seems for the first time, I might come up short on this particular project, and I need to be okay with that. This project was one of my risks to take, and as the jelly fish mishap has taught me: not all risks end in success.

I have had the pleasure of meeting some really great people though...there's always a bright side!

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Third class, second sketch - and yes: I went first. Three classes in and it's already a running joke. My classmates rock, the instructor rocks; all these element combine to make going first not so scary. And you know what? It feels really nice not to feel as though I am hiding.

TODAY'S RISK: Prep.

So, I've managed to put a lot on my plate; now it's time to streamline. I should have a little bit of space between projects and I want to be ready. Going to make some lists (oh, a little type A on this Tuesday) dream some dreams, make some plans - and get ready to go out swinging!

Day 32: Getting back to basics.

Whenever I pack for vacation, it is inevitable I will forget something as basic as my toothbrush. Of course thanks to the plethora of chain pharmacies that's never really an issue...or is it?

It seems like I am always forgetting the most basic of steps, items, moment...blah, blah, blah.

I think it's time to develop a new motto: keep it simple. Keep what matters.

The basics: they are easy. Happiness is a no-brainer: do the things that make you happy. Friends and Family: just pick up the phone, make the time...so on..

But we miss that sometimes don't we? Well, maybe it's just me. But from here on it, I intend to keep it simple, and keep what matters.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

I did it. I completely rewrote the first sketch. From scratch, no half-ass tweaks. I went back to the drawing board. Now I cannot say if it's better, funnier or anything more than the first. What it is, for me is effort. Trying. Risking. It was well worth the time.

TODAY'S RISK: Third Class.

Third class at UCB tonight. Nervous again, natch. But I am sticking with my plan to go first, which might make me look like a kiss-ass to the class, but for me it's the only way to make sure I actually volunteer to go. Wish me luck!

Day 31: Sunday Moment

One hour and ten minutes...I am hanging on to the weekend. As always. Trying to figure out how to carry over the feel of the weekend into the weekdays. It's what we all wait for isn't it? Each week has a goal: get thee to Friday. There must be a way to make that happen for the five days in between...

I'm looking into it...

YESTERDAY'S RISK

Yesterday I started from scratch on my second sketch for class. It was tough, but it was fun. I realized I was throwing my own creativity out the window and just trying to "do the assignment." That's not what class is about. It's about fleshing out your own talent; not fulfilling a class requirement. I wish I would have realized that one throughout all my schooling...

TODAY'S RISK: Another Rewrite.

One of the other parts of this class is to go back and rewrite an earlier sketch. I am about to do that now. From scratch. With one hour and 3 minutes left on the weekend...let's see how she goes.

Day 30: Thirty Days!

So happy I made it to the big 3-0!

Feels like some sort of accomplishment, or at least that's how I'm going to choose to see it! Quick post, Saturday isn't for computers in my world.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

I want the Friday risk to revolve around food...yesterday my only option for new and "risky" was to switch to Merlot...lame excuse for a risk. But any step outside of habit is a step ahead, right?

TODAY'S RISK: Rewrite.

I went to finish my second sketch today only to realize I hate it. Instead of just finishing it up, I threw it out. Started from scratch. And finished it. Saved to PDF. It's real now.

Day 29: Long Day, Short Post!

I love the freshness of Friday; a whole weekend of possibility. Although this day of the week has one caveat: it carries the weight of every other work day. The older you get, the more Friday seems to lose it's "let's go out and celebrate" steam...

So here I am, beat - like I'm sure everyone else working through the soupy summer days in NYC is...happy to have a good movie to watch, with a good guy and a good ol' pint of Cookies and Cream...and no, it's not the low-fate variety. The older I get, the more I realize how pointless that is...

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

Yesterday I sat down and wrote out the second sketch, well most of it. Always have a tough time finishing the piece. But it will be done by tomorrow morning...mark me words.

TODAY'S RISK: Try a new food...

I wanted this to be a weekly thing. Problem was, I'd already tried the crazy things on the menu. So, it's pathetic, I know but the only thing I could find to take a chance on was a wine I normally avoid like a steamy subway car: Merlot. It's a paltry risk, and I truly do not enjoy a glass of Merlot. Too thin for my taste. Luckily (or rather sweetly..) WSB ordered my fave Italian wine. Similiar to how my Mom would always order a Grilled Cheese when I was a daring kid that was positive she loved Beef Carpaccio, we pulled the old switch-a-roo. An uneventful risk without a happy ending...it happens. Happy Friday!

Day 28: Risk Pays.

It does, risk pays. And sometimes even in cash. Oh good, I've managed to make myself sound like a prostitute one sentence in.

Here's what I mean, risk is simply setting stakes, putting up an ante of some sort. With every ante you either win or lose in most games, but I'm learning this risk business is win-win - even when you lose. Are you lost? Sorry, let me reach for something resembling clarity.

When you risk something, you put yourself on the line - and you will always come out of it. Even if you lose everything, you have pushed beyond a once-perceived limitation. You have a new threshold, new parameters: you always win, even if you think you've lost.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

So for one hour last night, it was just me and my thoughts. It was a rough start. Anyone who has meditated on a regular basis knows the first few minutes are a struggle; once your surroundings are silent your mind gets loud. But after about ten minutes you stop judging your thoughts, and you are almost outside of them looking in. You start to play director to these worries, ideas and there it is: peace and quiet. And you. Somewhere behind our computers, out from our televisions, cell phones and iPods...we manage to survive. I'm making this a regular thing. I would love to say daily but for now, I am going to start with weekly. It's as often as I clean my shower, might as well take care of your sanity as much as my tub.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Second Sketch.

I have been putting of writing my weekly assignment for sketch. I let me slip a bit in the priority pool, but it's okay - class is Monday, so as long as I am not waiting till Sunday, when it's too late: I am okay with it.

Day 27:

Twenty seven days in, almost the month of February...nice. Honestly I am shocked I have stuck with it. My M.O. has been that of a bad competitive runner: start with all you've got, and burn out by mile two. Maybe I am learning pace as I go...

Or maybe I am still trying to figure out how to hold myself accountable for me. It's a specific kind of accountable; the one that can change your life. I'm getting there, and no one can get me there but me. I checked; Jet Blue doesn't fly you to your ideal life.Otherwise I would have booked the ticket.

YESTERDAY'S RISK: Saying No.

Highly recommend it. It's nice to know that your life and your wants are worth saying yes to. It amazes me how many times I let myself down by not putting any value on what I wanted. I think we all do.

TODAY'S RISK: Silence.

I have been putting this off for about three years. I usually have some type of noise in my house: television, music....computer. Every time I feel far away from everything I love, I tell myself I sit in silence for an hour and figure things out. I have yet to do it. But I am imposing some quiet time, no distractions, even though I crave them. As one of wisest people I know said: "Silence surrounds creativity." Thank you Pam Scott. You are right.

Day 26: Saying No.

Yes or no? Does one make you brave while the other leaves you sitting on the sidelines watching it all go by?

Depends on the question, I'm learning.

There are risks and then there are compromises. More specifically, leaps that get you no where except further from yourself.

So there are no results from yesterday, but this post takes me right into today's risk.

TODAY'S RISK: Saying No.

I apologize ahead for the complete vagueness here. There are certain offers I always have trouble turning down. I don't say yes because it's something I want to do; I say yes because I seem to have convinced myself it's what have to do. It isn't and a don't. An offer came my way, that I am perhaps crazy to pass on in this economy. But I am going to say no. And you know what? Feels really good to know I'm not going to put myself in a position I don't want to be in.

Saying no doesn't always mean you are shutting opportunity out; sometimes it means you are just taking a different road.

Day 25: Holiday!

Ah, Sunday Monday's: I love a short work week!

In honor of the holiday, I am giving myself a day off from risk.

But I'll be back tomorrow...looks like I'll have to make it double the risk, huh?

Happy Holiday!

Day 24: Three Day Break.

Three day weekends are magic; even food shopping is fun on an extended break.

It's a late post, and a brief one - been out enjoying the day!

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

Simple risk yesterday, stepping out a little more dressed up than my typical jeans and tank ritual. It was nice, even if we did just run over to a local pub. Turns out it's better to eat a burger when you're overdressed.

TODAY'S RISK: Essays...

I have been reading a great book this last week. It's a series of essays, which is exactly what I want to be writing. I started my first one today, and I am excited about letting myself explore every avenue!

We shall see...

Day 23: Rewrite.

Do you remember the life you imagined for yourself at ten, twenty? Are you close to it?

I don't know about you, but I had one idea for my life for so long I just shut out other options, discredited other avenues. I feel like I have a blank canvas again. But it's bigger this time, the options are endless. Letting go of the idea of who you think are, will be, or should be seems to be the easiest way to get back to you.

Thanks.

YESYETRDAY'S RISK:

I think jelly fish suck; not only as posionous creatues in the sea but as an appetizer. But then, all risks don't pan out. It's not the result, it's in the risking that we get braver.

TODAY'S RISK: Uncomfortable Shoes.

For years I was the stiletto chick; I don't care if I had to walk fifty blocks: I loved them. But like any overly passionate affair; it ended. These days, I find myself reaching for fashionably comfortable clothes. And of course, I feel comfortable in them, but you know what? Sometimes a little discomfort is good for you, right? So tonight I am dressing it up, a throwback to my nineteen year old self that thinks she'll be tettering on four inch heels forever. You won't kid. But you know what, you'll enjoy them in a whole new way when you don't wear them all the time.

Day 22: Hello Summer.

I love summer.

Even though summer breaks are a thing of the past, every day still feels like vacation. Why is that? Does climate have that big of an impact? Does it mean if I lived in Florida or Arizona I would always feel like I was on some sort of break coming from the Northeast? I haven't the slightest clue.

We all seem to grow bolder in these months: the clothing decreases, we stay out later on Tuesday's and there is a return to something. What it is we are returning to I couldn't say for sure. And maybe it's just me, but I would like to capture summer in a bottle and bring it out in February.

It's a good time.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

So yesterday I was writing up my business plan. I feel no need to lie to you, I opened the word document and typed up a paragraph and was ready to crawl in bed. And that is what I did; it's been a long week. I am reading a fun book though, I Was Told There'd be Cake, by Sloane Crosley. It's a collection of essays by a young publicist living in New York. Risks are great, but sometimes you just need to relax. Back to the planning tomorrow.

TODAY'S RISK: Jelly Fish Anyone?

I am a creature of hbit when it comes to food. Seriously, ask the wonderfully supportive boyfriend what I order at each restaurant and he'll be able to tell you. It's so sad; I live in one of the great culinary capitals and I rarely stray from my favorites without his prodding. Mind you, I have tried a lot of foods, but I always go back to my old faves. So tonight, at our favorite Chinese food restaurant I vowed to purposely order something I would never consider. It was a toss up between Ox Tongue and Jelly Fish. I went with the Jelly Fish. When it arrived at the table it jiggled. I tried it. Hated it. But still, I am happy to have tried it! Wonderfully Supportive Boyfriend cleaned the plate...oh to have an adventurous palate. I went right back to the scallion pancakes.

Day 21: Ah, Summer Rain.

Something about a rainstorm when the trees are full just reminds me of being a kid: summer break, no umbrellas necessary and the lazy pool afternoons as the rain came down.

I didn't beat the rain home tonight, but I also didn't bother using the umbrella in my bag. I have to say the rain is so much nicer when you're not worried about getting soaked. If my office wasn't set to freeze your ass off I would banish umbrellas altogether.

If you get a sec, walk in the rain. It's good for you...well, until the news says it isn't.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Thanks to suggestions of where to go, I am ordering my business cards right now. Feels so official...I like it.

TODAY'S RISK: Drawing up a business plan.

It's really nice working for yourself. I've done it, and loved it. Mind you, it comes with plenty of rough patches and uncertainties, but when all is said and done: it's good. I am still working out the details, but taking a step towards working for me makes me feel relieved and excited. So again, no homework tonight. Tonight is for mapping it out.

Day 20: What was I waiting for?

How awful would it be for me to quote one of my favorite songs?

Okay, I'm doing it.

It's a simple line from the song Let Go by Frou, Frou (Imogen Heap's band):

"You can't await your own arrival."

I have loved that song since I heard it in the movie Garden State...which was, what? Five years ago? And I knew the damn lyrics...but for some reason there I was: awaiting some type of arrival. Like there would be this one moment where someone turned and said, "okay this is your life starting now."

I think we can all agree it doesn't work like that. Life has been around before everyone reading this, and will be around after all of us. What have I been waiting for?

There's no trumpet to mark our arrival; these are our lives. And the greatest thing about that one, we create the next moment. Nice.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Yesterday I didn't work when I got home from work, which was great! I mean I worked, but I worked on my own website. And by work I mean I googled a lot of things about creating websites, copied the source code from pages I like, made a logo in PhotoShop and tried to learn. I say try because I did not set out to succeed; I set out to attempt. Perhaps it's pathetic that I have to trick myself with semantics, I just know if I feel like it's something I should be able to do and can't, I'll give up. Luckily, I am easily fooled.

TODAY'S RISK: Ordering Business Cards.

I have been asked for a business card on countless occasions; I have never had them. Why? Because I never really knew what the hell to put on them. I was waiting for some type of definitive title before I took the plunge. What am I waiting for now? Nothing. I'm doing it! If anyone knows of a good site to order and design them: I am listening! Thank you!

Day 19: Reality & Steve Jobs

I usually walk home from work, but at this new gig I usually hop on the train. I've never been a fan of the subway, especially in the summer. But there are some perks.

I don't have to focus on where I'm going after I get on the right train, I just sit back and enjoy the ride. Nice moment after a day of thinking, calling and working. For some reason the idea of reality was on my brain all day, well more so where reality comes from.

How do our lives become our reality? Clearly my reality is different from Steve Jobs, Charlie Kaufman...you get the point.

It all comes back to the choices. Your reality today, with exceptions of course, is the sum of all your life choices so far.

I know it goes back to yesterday's post, but it's just my stubborn brain processing it. Want to change your life? Change your choices.

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS:

Yesterday was my second sketch class, first sketch presentation. I vowed I would go first. I did. It's less brave then it seems though: there are no expectations going first, no earlier sketch to judge your own against and really nothing to lose. And you know what, that feeling can be in every turn: it's not when you go, it's how you go about it.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Building the site!

The challenge is less about the site, and more about me choosing not to work outside of the office. It's tempting, but I would rather work on something for me in my own time. And that is what I am going to do!

Day 18: Seinfeld & Life Lessons

There's an episode of Seinfeld (and yes, I have seen them all..) where lovable loser George Costanza does the opposite of everything he's ever done to change his rather unpromising future.

And it works.

That's what I've realized I've been doing lately.

One - I hope I don't actually resemble Costanza.
Two - It really does work.

Want to change things? Just make different choices.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

So, I own my own domain. Woot. Now I am just figuring out yet another website to build. But it's my own thing, and I love it!

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Go First.

Second sketch class today. But it's not just a second class; it's the first time my sketch will be read aloud. I'm going to tell you something, I usually try my best to fade into the background in any class I take and hope of running down the clock and avoiding any type of presentation. Great use of funds, huh?

Not this time. I am actually going to volunteer to go first. Ugh, I don't even like typing that. But I have to get over it to get on with it.

Wish me luck!

Day 17: Old Habits.

I love Sunday afternoons; I hate Sunday evenings.

But I am trying to change that.

For me, Sunday has always been the official end of doing things I want to do and preparing for the week ahead. I think this day for me needs a new outlook. It needs to become just another day.

I have no game plan yet on how to do this. But that's okay; I'm working on it!

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Fun, fun, fun! Spending the day having your photo taken and not worrying about what you look like is the only way to take a picture I've learned. And the great thing about digital: the shots where you look like a cross between drunk and moronic are gone with the click of a button.

TODAY'S RISK: Coaching Website

Well, I am the proud owner as of today of the web domain: jamie-carroll.com. I know the hyphen is a pain, but at least it's a dot com! And thanks to yesterday's shoot, I will soon have pictures to upload to the site. It feels like I am really going to do it this time, and that's an awesome feeling.

Day 16: Remaining.

I've noticed lately this risking business feels an awful lot like getting back to who I was ten years ago. Heck, even five years ago.

I am beginning to wonder if this whole process of growing up is misguided. Of course you need to develop responsibility and accountability; that's a given. But what if you also had to retain a sense of youth to be thought of as a proper adult?

When did growing up become synonymous with abandoning?

I obviously haven't the slightest clue. But I do know this: I was more of a "grown up" two weeks ago, and I have no intention of going back there.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Yesterday I wrote my first sketch for sketch comedy class. No one has read it as of yet, which will change in the next few seconds when I ask a certain someone to read it. But it's done, it's out there. And again it's PDF: there's no going back.

TODAY'S RISK: Strike a Pose.

Okay, today's risk is done, and it was a lot of FUN! The wonderfully supportive boyfriend is expanding his photographic repertoire and needed someone to model for some shots. Now, I HATE having my picture taken, I mean HATE it. But today I vowed to make a complete ass of myself. And it was a blast. Were people staring? Yes, but wouldn't you be if saw some chick dancing down a random Manhattan street? I was uncomfortable at a few points, and whenever that happened I just tried to do something that would make me even more uncomfortable: and that really works! Stay tuned for some photographic proof of this challenge!

Day 15: Procrastination.

Two weeks down. Fifty to go.

If the future fifty weeks bring the same kind of change the last two have, I say bring them on.

One cool thing I'm starting to conquer thanks to this: procrastination. I never realized how much of that is rooted in fear. Now, I still procrastinate it's just getting better.

I would always put things off because I didn't want to fall flat on my face, and then when something needed to be done at the last second I could blame the results on time. But take away the idea of being good at something, and you get better. Risk and failure have to go hand in hand I think. Well, at least for me they do. And failing, it turns out - doesn't suck as much as I thought it would.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Yesterday I went on an interview for a challenging position. I promised myself if the offer came through I would say yes. The offer came through. I said yes. A new challenge lies right on the other side of the weekend, and I am really excited!

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: My First Sketch.

Okay, so the thing I said about procrastination just a paragraph ago...well, this Monday I have my second sketch comedy class. And though I have been writing my required sketch all week, I'd be lying if I didn't say they were half-ass attempts; I know when I'm phoning it in. But today I sat and wrote, and rewrote and edited. And I now have my first sketch. Is it great? Nope! Is it mine? Yup. And I am saving it to PDF as I type this and I am going to be happy with my first shot at this new adventure. I can't believe I didn't wait till Sunday night. Things they are a changing.

Day 14: Out of the zone.

I have to admit: I had no idea how comfortable I was. These days, every day features some level of discomfort...and I think I am getting addicted to it.

Seriously.

It's gone from an intimidating task, to a weight off my shoulders.

It's not the discomfort I am addicted to, mind you; by definition that does not get easier, it's the realm of possibilities I am exploring.

Comfort = Limitations.
Discomfort = Opportunity.

It's a good thing to find out you can do anything. Now, I'm not talking about being great at everything...not even close. I'm just talking about doing it.

That's where the fun is.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Private coaching website is on it's way. In the meantime I have the word out to some folks, and will continue to do so. I am really excited about this one, can't believe I waited so long to start, but I'm glad the wait is over!

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Saying Yes.

Say yes to one opportunity, and others have a tendency to follow. Had an interview today for a gig that would prove immensely challenging. I promised myself walking in that if I didn't think I was up to this time-sensitive challenge, I would say no. But as we spoke, I felt confident I could do it. I admit, I was ready to say no the whole walk over. But then I couldn't think of a reason in the world to do so. This seems to be a new trend. If they make an offer, I'm saying yes.

Day 13: Getting out of my way.

Ever passed up an opportunity because you felt your weren't right for it? Good enough for it? Or ready for it?

I have, and almost did again.

But not this time. An opportunity came my way, and my initial reaction was: "I'm not qualified." Even though there were plenty of "qualified" people telling me I was, and offering me the chance.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am qualified. I do know what I am talking about and what I'm doing, why wouldn't I jump at this?

So I jumped.

And I will be teaching a class on a certain subject I have plenty of experience with starting in July.

There are always people willing to give you a chance I think; it's us that get in our own way.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Yesterday's task was a pain, truly. I wanted to give up so many times - but I didn't. I sat down and sorted everything: finances, emails, letters - a ton of things I'd been avoiding - and I just did it. There were things I didn't really want to look at, but by the end I was glad I did. None of it was a tough as I thought. And I'm finding, it rarely is.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Launching Private Lessons.

I have loved teaching and sharing knowledge I have in a certain subject. I have coached actors and aspiring hosts on and off for some time. I really enjoy it, and this time I am going full force with it: including a website (which is an absolute pain - but I'm learning!) to announce private lessons avail! I like watching people hit their fullest potential, and if I can help in anyway - I'm going to!

...Because I do know what I'm talking about in regards to that. : )

Day 12: Unconditional Friends.

I am really lucky.

For many reasons, but one...or rather four in particular: unconditional friends.

You know the type; these are the people that are always on your side - even if they're not. Unconditional friends don't care to be right or entertained; they genuinely care about you. And the miracle? You feel the same about them.


These folks stick around when it's easier to walk away, and so do you.

They call you on your bulls!&%, and you call them on theirs.

Unconditional friends don't give you what they think you want: they ask you what you need. And a lot of times they don't even need to ask.

They don't reduce what you are feeling to a simplistic label; they dig till the roots.

And...these are the people who tell you when you've been playing it safe.

It was my closest friend in the world that encouraged me to write this. And I listened, because there are a lot of times she knows me better than I do.

Seriously, I am a lucky girl. It's scary taking risks, but the comfort that comes from the unconditional support of my friends makes everything easier.

Thanks each of you for walking into my life.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Yesterday was my first Sketch Comedy class at UCB - and I loved it. I'm not going to lie and tell you I was calm and cool...not even close. I was painfully nervous. I'm talking I don't know what to do with my hands nervous. But, we all were. And everyone in the class was honest about it. Awesome. I did have to keep getting myself out of the way. The track in your brain that says: you're not good enough, what if only your friends think you're funny...was running on a loop. But than I realized I'm not good...yet. That's why I am in class. If I spend this class time worrying and judging that I am not good enough than I will never get better. And getting better is an enjoyable process...why would I want to miss it?

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Pulling off the blinders.

Okay, I have a confession to make: if there is a task I don't want to do - I just don't see it. Not only that, I go as far as to put these tasks in places I actually can't see them, like that threatening junk drawer. Well, today the blinders are off and I am risking taking a look at the emails awaiting reply, finances that need investing and a myriad of other tasks I tend to hide from. Sure it's a pain, but you know what: it needs to be done and more importantly - I need to be done with it.

Day 11: Discomfort, Anxiety and Six-Pack Abs.

Ever try and change without a little discomfort?

I have. It's not possible.

I'm not even talking full-blown emotional and spiritual metamorphosis; something as simple as toning up is uncomfortable. Don't believe me? Try and get those coveted six-pack abs without your stomach muscles revolting against you. You can't. Or if you can...I am listening. Seriously. Call me.

But the discomfort, in my humble, humble opinion is important. So important, and so unwanted that I think it's time I redefine the word. Instead of it meaning the absence of comfort, I'm going to try and think of discomfort as the presence of change. Mind you, I said try.

It might not make the ab work any easier...but it will make it more rewarding.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

A simple challenge: just be in the moment, was the hardest by far. I came up short quite a few times. Even laying under a perfect sky in Central Park, my mind would wander: did I? Should I? I didn't...I have to...

And once that chain starts, it's a challenge to turn it off. But in those moments I did tune out...how sweet it was! I'm thinking that might stick as my Sunday challenge.
It's worth trying to master.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: First Day at School.

Okay, so today I start Sketch Comedy class at UCB. I love comedy; watching it, writing it...but I have never taken a class for it. That changes tonight at 7:15. Today is my first day of school. I'm nervous. I'm not going to fight that, and worry about what I should be feeling. Right now, I am nervous. I'm always nervous when I start something new, be it a job, class or show. But I'm okay with nerves: they keep me on my toes.

And the great thing about a comedy class? You're encouraged to make a complete a$$ of yourself...so I should fit right in.

Day 10: Remember to Relax.

The great thing about this experiment is that it forces me to think about what I want.

...the other great thing? Enjoying the moments of stepping away from thinking.

This is a short post since it's Sunday, which should be for relaxation and recharging I'm told. For me Sunday was always the get your stuff done before the week starts and you need to get their stuff done...

I don't want to check things off today.

...So, I'm not going to.

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS:

More of a challenge than I anticipated. Walking around the grocery store without a clue of what to buy is a bit intimidating; my mind and taste buds kept puling in opposite direction and I found myself judging every purchase the way I would a report to hand over to work. That's about the time I remembered to lighten up and mess it up. . . and with that the Ciabatta Cramble is born. It's no classic for sure, but it was fun to make a mess.

CIABATTA CRAMBLE:

1 Slice Ciabatta
3 Cage Free Eggs
1 Container 0% Greek Yogurt
1 Cup Spinach
1 Cup mini Mushrooms
1 Tsp Olive Oil
1/2 Chives
1 Tbsp Shredded Mozzarella

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Slice Ciabatta bread into halves, butter place in oven for five minutes. Once that time is up, add 1 teaspoon of Mozzarella to bread and place back in the oven.

Meanwhile...

Coat one frying pan with oil and let heat.. Add mushrooms and spinach, sprinkle with a bit of salt and pepper. Let heat for five minutes over medium flame and set aside.

In a pot, add a half teaspoon of butter (though I like Smart Balance) and let heat. Add yogurt and mix, than add an egg at time, Mixing quickly between. Keep mixing until eggs take on an oatmeal like consistency, than add spinach and mushroom to the eggs, continuing to stir another minute.

Remove from heat.

Remove the ciabatta from oven, and place egg scramble on each half and sprinkle with a bit more mozzarella before placing back in oven for two minutes.

Add some leftover Greek yogurt with Cinnamon and blueberries as a side, and that is your Ciabatta Cramble...

Not a classic. But an attempt.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE:

Today's challenge is simple: don't think - enjoy the day. I don't know how to measure the success or failure of something like this, but I know being in the moment is equally the hardest and most rewarding way to spend the day. And with that, I am off for a game of Frisbee at the park. Hope you are enjoying your Sunday too!

Day 9: Creating It.

Imagine how long the world would have waited for the greatest works of art to be created if those artists sat back and waited for inspiration to strike, or the words to write themselves? We'd have no idea what a work of art looked like, sounded like...etc.

It makes perfect sense, but I cannot tell you how many times I just wished my life would change. Yeah, wishing. That works. While I was at it I should have just stopped exercising, eating right and all that jazz to stay in shape.

I've never gone to the store in the hopes of waiting on line; and I can't tell you why I was choosing to spend my life waiting on line - I'm just happy I'm off it!

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS:

Turns out the beauty of the web comes through to simplify things again. I asked Wonderfully Supportive Boyfriend how I should go about printing my photos. He told me the name of a well know printing company in New York, directed me to their website- and well, it really is as simple as uploading your images and printing them out. I plan to pick mine up Monday. Is everything this easy?

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Create a Recipe.

I love to cook. Well...rather I like to follow recipes, falsely leading others to believe I can cook. Truth is, if you put me in a grocery store and said piece together a new recipe, I'd order a pizza. Not today! I am challenging myself to head to the store and create a new recipe. And if it sucks - well, I can still order a mean take out dinner.

Day 8: Stealing Home.

One of my favorite pastimes is watching sports with my Dad.

I grew up watching him play ball in the city, and he was (and still is) an amazing athlete. Not the type to roll out a bunch of stats about a famed player; he actually knows the game. He can tell you the next pitch, the next play and when someone is about to mess things up. I've learned from him the importance of being and staying in the moment: that's what sports are all about.

I remember watching a Yankee game with him when I was a kid, and he made the call on the play: a suicide squeeze. Of course, I didn't have the slightest clue what that meant. I do now, it's stealing home plate. But the way my father explained it still resonates, of course this isn't verbatim - but it's close enough:

Me: What's a suicide squeeze?
Dad: It's when the batter's going to sac bunt, and the guy on third just starts to run home when the pitcher starts to pitch.
Me: But what if...
Dad: You can't think about that, you just put your head down and run.

I've grown up on a steady diet of pro-ball, but at no point have any of the players slid head first to steal home plate on concrete. My father always did. Because that's what you have to do to make things happen: forget about the outcome, just put your head down and run.

Thanks Dad.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Well, I did yesterday's challenge before I even wrote about it, and it has me thinking: what else do I think I am afraid of? It's opening up a new realm of risks I had not considered...which hopefully will make finding challenges less challenging...

TODAY'S RISK: Prepare photos to be printed.

I have been saying I will do this for about two years...truth is, I have NO IDEA how to set about getting those prints off the computer and into reality. But I am going to figure it out, well along with Wonderfully Supportive Boyfriend's help, I hope!

Another reason I have done nothing with them: I'm too cheap. Mind you, I have no problem paying a ridiculous sum of money for a tank top, but investing in myself - well, just didn't want to. But with those prints in my hand, there is more I can do. So, that's precisely what I am going to do.

Guess who just figured out how to put links in a post? And it only took eight days...

Happy Friday!

Day 7: Going Home.

I'm at home for the day. Well, not my home but the one I grew up in. Whoever said you can never go home again clearly was not talking about me. The minute I set foot in my parents' house, I feel like a safe little kid again.

It's a good feeling. It's also a good kick in a$$ towards getting me back to the things I used to enjoy and suddenly didn't have time for.

You can go home again, even if it is only for a few hours.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

So I am still in the process of writing some story proposals; it's a lengthy albeit doable thing. I find myself shying away from the idea of submitting to certain magazines I read; like they'd read the proposal and cancel my subscription...I don't know. But I am pretty much forcing myself to submit to the magazine's I like to read, and not the ones I think would actually be open to a lowely unskilled tradesman like myself. The last two challenges are a process, in the best possible way.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Get back behind the wheel.

Okay, I actually already completed this one. And after the last two risks, I needed something I could finish and start in a short time span, just for encouragement. Living in the city, the need for a car falls in line with needing an audit, and somewhere along the way - I just stopped driving. The thing is, it had been so long I managed to convince myself I don't like to drive. Total BS. I love it. My folks were kind enough to entrust me with their car for a quick joyride. I'd missed it. I like being in the driver's seat. A lot.

Thanks!

Day 6: Making Time.

Most of us don't have enough time, do we?

With every task crossed off the eternal to-do list, another five seem to miraculously appear. At least that's how I felt. Suddenly my days were filled with chores, and success measured in items completed from a list of things I didn't want to do. I kept waiting for a time when I'd have time.

Then I realized that time wasn't coming.

I think we all put ourselves pretty low on the priority totem pole, don't we? Our jobs, bank accounts and bills take precedence over the projects we keep meaning to start or the activities we would like to do if there was more time. But the way we spend our time is the way we define our lives. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not have my days chalked up to errand girl gets a gold star. And I know it's trite, but investing in yourself really does enrich your life, your job and your relationships. Validate your creativity, prioritize your projects and well...the rest just kind of falls into place.

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS:

This is so far the biggest challenge. Yesterday's risk was to start the website I've had in my mind for some time now. I have spent a lot of hours already just trying to secure the domain name, since the one I had my heart set on was for sale for $ 6,088.88...not quite in the budget. But, I am still searching for a new domain name that I like, and one that I'll actually be able to remember. So it's a little over my self-imposed 24 hour deadline, but some things are worth the extra look! Stay tuned...

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Pitch a column to a magazine.

This falls under the category: Other careers I would have attempted. But with this new challenge, I can think of absolutely no reason not to throw it out there.

Once I thought about the reality of writing a column, the ideas just started to flow. If I'm being honest, the topics are all over the place right now, so I'm not sure which magazines I'll be aiming for at this moment - but I will be writing some mock articles today and tomorrow to see which I enjoy the most, and narrow it down from there.

The more you just keep doing, the easier it is to focus on the creating and not the results.

Thanks for reading!

Day 5: Attempt to Experience.

Hey, one full workday week down...that has to count for something, right?

Well, even if that doesn't, here's something that does: I feel ten years younger. I know, I'm not quite old enough to claim any knowledge about feeling younger, but I feel a decade lighter.

Remember when we were a kids , we'd think of something and then just do it? We didn't calculate cost to gain ratios, worry about having enough time or what people might think - we just did things because we wanted to do them. That was fun.

And you know what?

It's still fun.

I'm not talking about blowing your life savings at a casino or abandoning your family, friends and responsibilities because you want to have fun. That's not cool.

I'm talking about doing things because you want to do them, and not because you are good at it or could turn a profit. But simply for the experience of doing it. If experience is your goal, there is no failing - just a series of attempts with varied outcomes.

It won't stop the crows feet from sneaking up, but for me, freedom to fail seems to be my very own fountain of youth.

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS:

Putting my photos out there in the world was a bit more taxing than I'd bargained for. Not the sending out, just the tedious task of following guidelines. I don't speak pixel, but I did my best to adhere to the rules of four different contests. That was all I had to do. And I did it. The rest is out of my hands. Whew.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Starting A Web-Based Semi-Business.

There's an idea I've been ruminating on for a while, four years to be exact. It was something I'd imagined I would day someday. Well, the thing I am learning about adulthood is that someday has arrived; you either do it or you don't. It's that simple. I'm not going to go on about what it is, but I am purchasing the domain name, (I don't speak tech, I learned this from my computer-genius boyfriend.) And simply start. I will place the link here when it is close to up and running. And I promise to post it before I am "ready."

Thank you for visiting, coming back, or just passing by.

Day 4: Expansion.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage"

-Anais Nin

That is my favorite quote from Nin, which I repeat to myself with each passing step away from the comfort zone. I've loved these steps. It's not even the risks; it's living deliberately which is thrilling. I am finding this is less about discarding habits and more about reclaiming self. The trick seems to be disconnecting from the outcome, which is where I think a lot of us put our energy. I know I did. But what is happening is infinitely more exciting than what might happen, I have to say.

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS:

So as of yesterday, I have my eyes on exploring an old passion with a new path in the world of styling. I submitted my resume for some positions, and even though my experience is COMPLETELY out of sync with the requirements, I know I'd be up to the task if handed the responsibilities. But even better, thanks to a wonderfully supportive boyfriend, who happens to be an amazing photographer (www.colemanphotographix.com), I have a new outlet to explore the style thing. Now I just need some willing subjects to style...

TODAY'S RISK: Submit Photography to Photo Contests & Outlets.


Speaking of photography, I picked up a camera about three years ago, thanks again to a certain someone and have been clicking away ever since. Though I have always received kind feedback, I never strayed further than a Flickr account to upload the photos. Well, in light of submitting my writing into the world, I am doing the same today with some of my favorite shots, and entering some well known photography contests. I don't expect or even care to win - I just want to participate.

Thank you for the encouragement!

Day 3: A Dedication.

This is exciting.

Not the writing so much, but the possibility of changing your own life. It feels good.

Today is Mother's Day. And today's risk is dedicated to the most courageous woman I know: My mom, of course.

My mother never ceases to amaze me. If you were to throw an all but impossible feat her way, you can rest assured she will come through. I have watched her do it all my life. I can't tell you what a comforting feeling that is; not only the sense of security it provides a child, but the resourcefulness and confidence it inspires. Thanks to her, I am always confident I can face the challenges thrown my way.

Both my mother and father have always encouraged me to think outside of the box. And I am certain the phrase "be realistic," was never thrown my way. I don't know when I started to "get realistic," which I am pretty certain is code for: stop aspiring, start accepting. But their faith in me is a driving force behind this challenge. Thank you both for the gift of possibility.

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS:

Yesterday I challenged myself to take the writing I've been keeping to myself, and send it out to ezines, magazines and what not. And while it took a bit to find places to send the writing, it only took three minutes to send the emails. Normally I would sit and judge the work: editing, contemplating and throwing it away. But not this time. This time, I didn't care to be the judge. I was just happy to be the artist. It's a good feeling.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Explore a New Career...

Okay, so I have always been interested in the world of fashion, aesthetics and styling. But I defined myself by the career choices I already made and let the rest fall to the wayside. Why? I guess I felt there was a limit to what you could do, and how you could define yourself. But I have nothing to lose by applying for an entry-level short term position. And that is precisely what I plan to do. Because truly: there is nothing to lose.

Happy Mother's Day Mom and to all the mother's who sacrifice so much to enrich our lives.

Thank you!

Day 2: Finding Risks.

One risk down, 364 to go...

I have to say, I thought the hardest part of this project would be the doing. It's not. Turns out thinking of a risk to take is infinitely harder than carrying it out.

Don't get me wrong, there are a million things I would love to try: surfing off the coast of Oz, SCUBA diving, rock climbing...but on a sunny Saturday in New York City - these are not options. Which is precisely what this whole challenge is about; it's not a chance to do all the things I could do if I had unlimited free time and funds. This is about doing the things I can do, and don't.

YESTERDAY'S RESULTS: All I had to do was reach out to two colleagues and ask for permission to use them as a reference. Okay, I have to admit I spent an hour stalling. On the bright side I spent that hour cleaning out and organizing my fridge.

Lesson Learned: If there is something you don't want to do (cleaning the fridge,) just make yourself accountable to do something you REALLY don't want to do (calling for references) - and you will get them both done.

When I finally worked up the nerve to make the calls, one of my colleagues had already read this blog and after some merciless teasing, happily agreed. Whew.

I didn't take a minute between the calls, since I knew it would turn into an hour of me cleaning out the pantry. The second call was a bit harder, since she didn't already know why I was calling. It's not really the asking that I hate, it's that build up when you know the reason you are calling is more than to say hi. But she was so encouraging and gracious, I felt like an a$ for waiting so long.

And now I am set with my two references.

It took all of ten minutes.

Well, five months and ten minutes...

TODAY'S RISK: Submit Writing to Magazines & Websites.

I have been writing in my free time since I was about ten years old. While I have always loved the art form, I have absolutely no formal training, which for some reason in my brain equals: credibility, creativity and talent. It was the encouragement from another fantastic colleague and friend to just go for it. So, I am dusting off the files (which I believe are in Word Perfect 1.0 format...) and sending them off into the void, well an editor's email address to be exact. I have absolutely no vested interest in the outcome...I'm just happy I'm doing the thing I can do today.

Thanks for coming back for day two Mom!

Day 1: A Chance on Chance.

This is my first blog. Forgive me if my complete lack of blogger awareness offends you, it is not my intent. I also apologize in advance for my grammar and probable misuse of the semi-colon...

I am starting this blog for one reason: I have become too comfortable.

I didn't see it coming; I've been making progress in my career, and all that jazz. But somewhere along the way I stopped taking risks.

Clearly complacency is not a goal we set for ourselves; it's what we settle for. I have been playing it safe, and I am officially done with it. Yes, I have said it before and not followed through. (Oh the follow-through...) That is why I am writing it down and putting it out there on the mysterious World Wide Web.

For the next 365 days I will be challenging myself to a daily risk. Some will not seem like risks to you (and by you, I mean my Mom since she will most likely be the only one reading this...if she can remember the web address, that is...) But these are things that pull me out of my cozy little comfort zone. It's time.

Today's Risk: Ask for References.


Yes, yes asking for references - I know it's not Everest, but there are few things I hate more than asking for a favor. I have let many a chance slip away simply by not asking. Not this time.

I have wanted to join an amazing not-for-profit dedicated to helping folks in the arts. I meet all the requirements, but the two references the group calls for before acceptance has left me putting this off for a LOOOONGG time...

That ends now. I am asking today.

I'll let you know how it turns out tomorrow, along with another chance for the day. Until then, thanks for reading...Mom.