Day 61: The Advantage of Busy.

Day 61 on the risk factor, day 2 of actually giving it my best go...

I'm beat, but in a really great way.

I realize right now giving it your best is a heck of a risk; if you fail on your best attempt there is nothing to hide behind. Good. That's what I need. Nowhere to hide.

I also am starting to understand the advantages of busy: no time to think.

Thought is obviously a necessity, but I sometimes hide there, get lost there or at the very least spend too much time there.

I am getting tougher on me now. I'm not changing this risk for a few days either. I got through 1667 emails today at work in a span of five hours. Mind you, I didn't move for five hours, but it felt really good. Whatever your job, and at this point I have had enough to speak with mild authority, one thing remains true: it doesn't matter if you love, like or hate it - if you show up for a day of work, then work to your best ability. That has nothing to do with your paycheck and everything to do with your character.

Here's to really giving it everything you've got. Thanks for reading. Happy Summer Friday in just a few minutes...

Day 60: Giving it your best.

Throughout my life my folks have always imparted the same advice no matter the task that lie ahead of me, "give it your best."

It's great advice. And right now, I am reevaluating exactly what that means.

Here's something I realize now about myself: I like giving things my best attempt. BUT, I tend to let me off the hook too easily. Now, I know there are certain wonderful people in my life that would say I'm too tough on myself. And they would be right regarding certain circumstances. But if I'm being honest with them, with me, and with you - I half-ass a lot of things. Sure, I start charging hard fresh out of the gates, but who doesn't? Go to the gym the first two weeks of January, it's evident: we all love the idea of a changing us, of fresh starts. But here's my question: how do we sustain change? How do we really give it our best all the time? Is exercising our best like exercising the body? Is our best a muscle we build? Perhaps.

It's what separates the pro's from the hobbyists. It's a challenge to give it your all - all the time, it really is. Yet, settling for less is really devaluing our worth, no?

I'm giving something my best right now. I'm teaching a class this Saturday. I could have taken the easy way out, and given a general piece of material for the whole class. But I didn't. I sat down, spoke (well, emailed) each student to get a better idea of them and what I could do to suit there specific requirements. Doing this meant I had about an hour to clean my apartment and workout before I sat down to type this.

So worth it. They feel better about their class, and you know what? Me too.

I'm going to keep imposing this one. It doesn't matter if I like the task at hand or not. It's not up to me to deem something worthy of my best effort. It's up to me to decide the type of person I choose to be. So even if it's not "the dream job," phoning it in never pays. It's still my potential.

It's a risk, a challenge and a step towards happiness.

Thanks for coming back. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being part of this adventure. Means a lot.

Day 57: Or 59 if you're counting...

I know I've been a bit erratic with the posting lately. The last few days have been a little time for a lot of thought. And the thing about thoughts, well at least mine anyway, is that they move quick.

Been reassessing, rethinking...a lot of re's lately.

Seems like when we're younger it's about what we will be, that's where the focus lies. The older I get the more I value how I feel, am I happy? Am I fulfilled. Truth of the matter is an occupation alone will not get you to these places.

The question that keeps popping us is this: what is the value of the risks I am taking?

In a way, I think I've been measuring it wrong for me. I don't want to spend a year taking risks for the sake of risks. I want to take a step everyday towards my ideal life. So the challenge I am posing to myself, and you if you'd like is this: what can I do today to make me happier?

This is what I am risking. I am risking secure for happy. I have no idea how I am going to do this. But what I love is that this project is changing me. I am about sixty days in, and I am changing.

Not the crash diet type of change, where you lose those last five pounds only to replace them with ten more. I am talking about the type of change that comes when you change your lifestyle. Bear with me...that's what I am doing.

But risk does pay: I received an email the other day from Ascent Aspirations, a print and online journal where I submitted my poetry - which was one of my first risks...I am getting published in August!

I will post a link up to the site when it goes online!

All it ever takes is putting your cards on the table. I am just trying to figure out which table I want to put my cards on. I wouldn't have been able to get here though without all of your kind words and encouragement.

Thank you.

Days 55 & 56: Drafts

Well, apparently I hit the wrong button yesterday and instead of posting, I saved as a draft . . .

To be fair, I never claimed to be a computer genius. : )

But instead of just posting yesterday's as though it were today - I am doing a rewrite...much like I am doing right now with most things.

I've spent the last several days rethinking my life. Writing down my life story proved one heck of a challenge; there I was with a blank piece of paper in front of me, and I was lost. Ten years ago that wouldn't have been a problem. But that's the thing about being really young: you are not quite formed yet, so a blank sheet of paper is no threat: that's who you are.

I heard that a lot in my late teens and early twenties, this idea that your personality wasn't anywhere near formed. At the time, I took it in as best I could. Truth be told, I had no idea what people were talking about. How could I not be a fully formed person? I felt like one.

I get it now. You really do change a lot as you grow. A lot. And now, having tried to write my life's story - I am realizing the value of drafts. Here's what I need to admit; I don't truly know exactly what I want anymore. But that's okay.

And if it's okay with you, my risk for the foreseeable future is to try and figure it out. To sit still as best I can and move in an actual direction. For a lot of years I had an idea of my life, but that idea doesn't exist in my day to day anymore. My choices now are to go with it, or write another draft.

I am writing another draft.

It's my risk. To step outside of what I thought I would be, and decide who I am going to become.

Thanks for reading, have a safe and happy 4th!

Day 54: Your Life Story.

Ever think about your life story? How would it read up until this very moment?

That's what's on my mind right now.

Off of yesterday's challenge: DO NOTHING, a task made possible by the lovely luxury a freelancer has of extra down time, I made a valiant attempt at nothing. Hell, why not call it a heroic stab at motionlessness. It's rough. It comes from the idea of really great improv: don't speak until you have to.

Apparently I like to move. At times, mindlessly. And when I take away the multitude of distractions freedom allows, I get really fidgety. I kept thinking, "but what am I doing?" Even talking on the phone I noticed the most popular questions are "what are you doing?" and "what did you do today?"

And today, I didn't have an answer.

What I do have is a general feeling of unease, and tiredness, which makes absolutely no sense. . .

Here's what I realized: The absence of motion will quickly propel you into action. I've moved about, busy a lot of times, but busy with what? Doing what?

Our chores and rituals seem to get in the way of us. And before we know it; they define us.

Stop moving. Start doing. That's the mantra for the rest of this blog.

So TODAY'S RISK/CHALLENGE: Write My Life Story.

I like to start everything from the end; there are no obstacles there. I just happen to read a passage in a book the other day that talked about writing your life story. I've never done that.

But I am doing that right now, right after I hit the publish button on this lengthy, run-on post.

Ever write yours?