Day ? : Returning...

Been away a bit, living the good old beach life...

But I'm back, and doing some housecleaning...in every which way.

We need that, don't we? Well, I do at least. And aside from the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, which I am pretty certain can actually clean away bad mistakes we make in addition to scuff marks, my favorite mind-cleaning technique to date is a long quiet walk. I like to take walks. And I don't mean a ten minute power walk; I am talking about a three hour-no noise-no phone-no anything but your thoughts walk.

It's liberating and recharges like nothing else I know.

I know my last risk was "thinking big," and I'm going to tell you: I'm stuck. I am stuck on thinking small right now. Immediate. Logical. Practical.

In short: completely uninspired.

But that's okay! I am okay with that.

So here is my solution, or rather attempt at a solution: Stop doing. Do nothing.

Sounds like, well...nothing, right? Ever try it? It's a lot like sitting in silence for a while. Do nothing (for a day, mind you.)

See, I like to move, I like to do, accomplish...blah, blah, blah. But it is in fact nothing but moving. In what direction, I couldn't tell you.

Stop moving, start thinking about the steps you want to take. And then, by all means: I'm getting to it.

But for today, the risk: DO NOTHING.

Day 50: Back...for a bit!

How does one get the life of playing eternally on the beach? If there is a better way to spend a few summer days, I have yet to discover it.

I meant to return to blogging yesterday, but there was a party set to start only an hour after we got home - so it was a hectic return!

Trips always have a big impact on me; even our quick overnight stays. Getting away from habits and routines is my drug of choice. I'd be lying if I said I was a gracious returning home type. I usually hate it. Not the home part, I love my place. And not the New York part, I still love this city...well most of the time.

It's that brief escape. The glimpse of the possible beyond my daily parameters. I crave that. Eternally it seems.

So, this day, this risk is different. It's not just a specific task to challenge myself to. Though there were plenty at the beach, I need a new kind of risk...

SO TODAY'S RISK: Think Bigger.

Yeah. It's general and vague, and seems wishy-washy no doubt. But it's not for me. Even within the risks I was taking, there was something a tad safe about them. But here's the thing: you want a big change? Make big changes. Think big.

Nick (also known as Wonderfully Supportive Boyfriend) has relayed one of his favorite quotes to me on numerous occasions:

You can't cross a chasm in two steps.

It's a good one. I think about it a lot. I want that leap. Right now, I just have to figure what it is.

Changing your mind is a necessity to changing your circumstances.

Days: 46, 47 & 48: Life's a Beach.

And that's where I am!

Taking the next three days off from the wild world of risk! Though I expect some risky days ahead! But due to shoddy internet access, I will be taking a few days away from the net.

Keep Chancing, keep risking - see you soon!

Days 44 & 45: Well, isn't that poetic?

A day after posting about the importance of consistency...I miss my first post.

Clearly, I am a fan of irony.

But, moving right along, because that's all we can do; I will simply say things happen which take priority.

I may have missed the post, but I did not miss the risk.

SO here is an abridged yesterday, and today!

SUNDAY:

The risk: Ask for advice on sketch.

When it comes to the creative process, sometimes you need another set of eyes. That is not easy for me. Asking for help in ANY way is not easy for me. I am one of the most stubborn people I have ever known. I like the satisfaction that comes from knowing I can do it all by myself. However, as I am learning it's not effective in pushing you towards growth. Now self-reliance is key; the strength that arises from pulling yourself up from down and out is extraordinary.

But it is the smaller moments, the "I'm stuck on writing a sketch for class, can you look at this?" Which will open up your eyes. And it did. I asked for input, showed what I knew to be sub-par work, and listened to invaluable feedback. Which brings me to today:

MONDAY

TODAY'S RISK: Start again.

With only hours till class tonight, I am completely rewriting this sketch, and I mean COMPLETELY. The advice from yesterday echoed exactly what I felt, and the advice-giver was completely in tune with what I was feeling about the sketch. I could call in sick. I won't. . . but I really do want to. Ah, wish me luck!

Day 43: Consistency.

Consistency is supposedly the death of good acting. While that may be true, it is the cornerstone of change.

Habits are like those jeans you've had for five years too long: comfortable and worn in perfectly. They are a constant reminder of who we believe we are, and the crutch we depend on to define us. What happens when you remove a habit? You make way for something new; not necessarily better, just new.

Here's my struggle right now: what new do I want to make way for?

It's a big question.

...and I'm thinking on it.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Well, here is where the commitment to risk is paying off; I picked a hard premise for a sketch. I am afraid of living up to it. But, I've kept me on the hook. And draft upon, draft upon draft I have stuck with it. I'm still not there yet. I will not throw in the towel...though I am tempted to call in sick just to avoid it. Old habits die hard.

TODAY'S RISK: KEEP WRITING.

Sorry it's not a new fresh and shiny risk, but I am STILL writing this four page sketch. Honestly, I can't remember putting in this much effort. And that kind of pisses me off. It's a habit of mine to coast, and do well. Not exemplary, but well. Sometimes even very well. Is that just me? I'm curious now, just how hard I can work and how strong a sketch I can make this if I choose to. I choose to.

Happy Saturday!

Day 42: Sometimes you have nothing to say...

And that's okay!

Today is one of those days for me; due to a poor choice of shoes and a thirty block walk to check out the MOMA...why I didn't suggest the train is beyond me.

SO happy Friday!

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Remember that thing I said about the sketch rule? Turns out the other reason I was hesitant was that I knew it would be HARDER...I was right. So as I sat in my boyfriend's car this morning for the alternate side of the street parking rule (I'm off, and offered - he didn't ask, in case you were wondering...which I don't think you are...) I thought about other sketches...easier sketches to write. And though I entertained it...

TODAY'S RISK: Keep Writing it.

I am still writing my original idea for the sketch. I'm not going to give myself an easy out. I know It's a funny premise, and I know one of the reasons I want to change it is the pressure to live up to a funny idea. So I am risking falling flat on my face, I am risking not having a sketch prepared for Monday. Why? Because it's not supposed to be easy.

Day 41: What rules are we playing by?

Ever wonder whose rules we tend to play by? Our own? Our parents, teachers? And when was the last time you questioned your "rules?"

I'm asking because I seem to have some of my own with completely unknown origins. Where did they come from? Do I even believe them?

Now, I'm not saying go out and get wasted and drive a car: that's reckless. But some of these more bizarre rules, like a self-imposed 9:30pm phone call cut off which is really from nowhere other than Curb Your Enthusiasm, and ideas I have formulated about how to contact people, what's business appropriate...they are as outdated as shoulder pads (which of course are making an undeserved come back...) but still. You get the point.

Why are we limiting ourselves? Let's break our own damn rules, huh?

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Website content: done! Marketing plan: Almost done! But in truth, that will never be done, just workable. I completely re-designed the web content so it's just a few sentences. I've noticed I read about a paragraph on most websites; I tried to set it up for people with my own limited attention span. Feels good to get it done. Here's a snippet from " The Class" section. Oh, I guess I should tell you this website is for private coaching for aspiring actors and hosts:

THE SESSION

This isn’t an audition with me; I want you to feel safe to mess it up, to be imperfect and find your voice. You can’t do that if you are worried about impressing. You made an investment in your passion; I am already impressed! So let’s get to work.

Any feedback you have to make it better is always welcome!

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Stepping Out of the Sketch Rule.

Okay, I have been putting off my sketch for class on Monday, for one reason: my idea steps out of the "rules" a bit. This weeks sketch has to do with Film Parody. And while I have a lot of ideas about that subject, there is one I really want to write; which will be a hard sketch to write. If it works, it could be really funny. So, I am going to take the leap, step outside of the lines and see how I play out of bounds...

Day 40: 40!

Can't believe I've been a this for forty days...wow.

I've actually noticed a lot of changes, but the most significant change so far is an overwhelming sense of relief. I think I have said that before, but it's worth repeating.

The relief that comes from taking control of what you want is extraordinary. I've been afraid of just letting life happen; that one day I would just wake up and be in the middle of a life I didn't know.

But now, everyday is a possibility; even when I cop out and take a risk I consider minimal. It's still just something for me. These risks and days add up to your life.
Just depends on you.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

This is harder than expected, and that's nothing new. I've wanted to channel all of my energy nto this project for three weeks now, and suddenly I find myself at a bit of a loss on how to do the thing I usually do for a day job...and that brings me to:

TODAY'S RISK:

As per a certain someone's (spot-on) comment on yesterday's post, I am going back (again) and getting these earlier risks completed. It's easy to start something, but seeing it through to the conclusion, well now that's something. So, the web content, the marketing plan (which is yesterday's in a nutshell) and another project I started and haven't gotten back to are on the agenda. And okay Nick, I'll risk f*^cking it all up. Promise. : )

Day 39: Be Remarkable...but how?

Almost finished with Purple Cow, the Seth Godin book I was talking about yesterday. This book is basically a challenge to the reader. The challenge? Be remarkable.

It's a tall order, BUT doable for EVERYONE. I love that. I believe that. Everyone has within them the power to be remarkable; it is a choice. And let's be honest: we know when we're coasting, and trying to fly under the radar. But why do we do this? I think for me I have associated criticism with "wrong." But I'm going to abandon that one and pick up Godin's idea of criticism: it means you're doing something worth notice.

Yeah, his is better than mine.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

It was my fourth sketch class yesterday, and it looks like my days of going first are done for a bit; I volunteered but was beaten to the punch and happily let it go to the other person - everyone that wants to should have the chance! But still a great class, first or not!

TODAY'S RISK: Starting the ball...

There's a fresh new project in the air, and I am thrilled to be part of it. So I am following Seth Godin's advice, and taking the risks that get (and sometimes don't) the results. One of the biggest aspects of my "day job" is about reaching out and finding people. But without the weight of a network behind me, and a clear path I am left to forge my own, and I am. The next few days are going to be phone-call heavy and of my own creation. It's unnerving, since the investment is larger here, but the payoff is so much sweeter. Let the games begin.

Day 38: Safe is a Risk.

Playing it safe is a risk. That's the motto of a great book I am reading: Purple Cow by Seth Godin. If you get a chance - check it out! Makes me feel like I am on the right track when I pick up a book that matches my mindset...it's the little things.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

Moment to moment, that was a great relaxing albeit rainy Sunday. I love days of not thinking about anything. Sure, it's not a dramatic risk, but even risk needs reprieve!

TODAY'S RISK: Fourth Class

I am literally out the door on my way to class, and I have all intentions of attempting to go first. Though my classmates have figured out that it has its benefits; I am hoping to still take that spot!

Lots of risks to come...stay tuned. Thanks!

Day 38: Grown-Up-hood...

Okay, so not a real word, but a real thing.

For some reason I was thinking about how much I have changed in the last decade this morning, and even with the lure of less responsibility and worry; I still wouldn't want to go back in time.

There is more stress as you get older, with more obligations and questions, true. BUT there's more you when you get older too; and I'm not talking about weight we might put on. When I think back, I can't remember having a clearly defined personality - and neither did most people I came into contact with of that age. Everything about you gets stronger and more pronounced with each passing day. A good friend of mine says that we become caricatures of ourselves when we hit old age. And I get that now, because by the time we hit old age (if we are lucky enough to)we know our strengths and our personalities so well that we play into them.

So don't worry about going back; be grateful that you get to go on.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

In thinking about creative endeavors, putting them in the realm of creating your life and livelihood around is exciting. And letting yourself change your mind: damn near most liberating thing yet.

TODAY'S RISK: Be Here Now.

That's the title of my favorite Ray Lamontagne song. If you get a chance, check it out. It's also a challenge. It's Sunday, be in the moment day. No thoughts ahead, just here. Present in the present. That's my risk.

Day 37: Mindset.

There's a great saying, and I'm not sure who to credit:

Ask for a miracle. It's possible. After all it's just a change of mindset.

It really is true, isn't it? Our sense of reality is based on our thoughts of any set of given circumstances.

Then how do we change our mindset?

Kind of simple I think: just change it. Your old thoughts can stay where they were: in the past next to your high school yearbook. Your life can change minute by minute; that's how fast our minds move.

I like that thought, so I'm going to stick with it.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

STILL NOT DONE WITH WEB CONTENT. Oh sweet something. I'm close now. So, that's something. I'm judging every word, I think it's time to rethink the approach and jus f*&cking write, and write...

On the plus side, I did finish the first draft of my third sketch!

TODAY'S RISK: Rethinking Creativity.

For as long as I can remember one thing has been true for me: I like to create. It's a general statement because my love for it goes from business to the arts. I started a Newspaper in elementary school, not to mention a failed lanyard business that got me in to some trouble with the principal.I liked to create characters, stories, paintings...you name it. But for some reason,I always associated all of that with hobby. It's all me, mind you. My folks could not have been and still are,one hundred percent supportive. And now, there's something new. Something I want to create, to be a part of. And I am spending time to meld my idea of "earning money," with those endeavors close to my heart. Stay tuned. I have a feeling that is the heart of why I am doing this blog in the first place...

Day 36: Embrace it.

We have two choices whenever we are faced with something new, risk or oncomfortable: judge it or embrace it.

Okay, we actually have a lot more than two choices, but for dramatic purposes and ease of blogging I'm going to stick with two.

It's obvious which one we ideally opt for, but getting to that choice is the question. Even with all this business of risk, I sometimes find myself saying, "that's not.." or "It's just..."

But I'm learning as I go, and one thing that keeps on popping up is this: trust it. It's secret option number three. Forgot about even just embracing it, have faith. Trust it. Trust the good the bad and the ugly; that is the key for me these days. Maybe it could work for you too?

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

Write website content. Again. And again, still not done. But I did it. I sat down and went for it, drew a blank, tried, walked away and walked back. It's not done though, which means:

TODAY'S RISK(S): Website Content AND Third Sketch.

I'm not letting myself off the hook. If working out hard has taught me anything it's that your results are up to you. It's just as refreshing as it is a constant pain in the ass to push yourself a little more each time. We are works in progress, but the work we put in determines where we go.

Also, on to the third sketch! And I'm giving it more thought this time; I guess that's what happens when you start to learn the process: you can play and work harder. I say bring it.

Happy Friday!

Day 35: Easy vs. Fulfilling

We think we want things easy, no? No stress, deadlines or added responsibilities. At least, I thought I did.

Not. The. Case.

I realize I enjoy those things. Well, not the stress bit, but that's more a reaction then a circumstance in a lot of ways I think.

But deadline and responsibility, not such bad things. I want a life that is fulfilling, not relaxing or easy. Don't we all want to be a part of something bigger than us? Aiming towards a goal, purpose? Maybe it's not that we're lazy by nature; we just need a different motivator. Something stronger and closer to our hearts than cold hard cash.

What's your motivation?

I think that might be the key to our potential.

Then again, I could be one-thousand percent wrong.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Man, oh man. Ever write content for your website? Basically you're saying, "hello, this is me. I hope you like me enough to work with me. What do I need to type to make you think I rock?" Needless to say, I spent a lot of time flipping over to Facebook. So I am still working on it, which brings me to...

TODAY'S RISK: FINISH THE CONTENT WOMAN.

Yeah, so the great thing I had going were I'd start a new risk was playing right into my love for starting and never finishing things. So I am not going to let myself off the hook. I am going to finish the content, and there's nothing I can do about it. Man, I'm tough.

Day 34: Rainy Wednesdays and Mini-Weekends.

Ah, gray rainy days. Sometimes we need them to slow us down. Am I the only one that feels obligated to get out of the house if it isn't raining? I'm no homebody, but sometimes a nice night in is all I want. It feels like a luxury.

Just you, a few hours and nothing planned. Rainy nights are a mini-weekend of sorts for me. After all, that seems to be what we all want: no set schedule, time to stretch and do what we want to do.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

I sat down yesterday, and took stock of all the risks I have laid before me so far. And know it's time to break them down into steps to keep things from getting overwhelming. I love that all the "work" I plotted is from me, and for me. Ain't that grand? Is there anything better than doing your own thing? I like it. Which brings me to . . .

TODAY'S RISK: Content for Website.

The idea of building a website is daunting, until you take the time to break her down into steps. So tonight, I am sitting down to write the content for my websites. I hate writing about myself, so it's time to suck it up and do it! Perhaps it's time to put on a pot of coffee...

happy wednesday!

Day 33: And Exhale.

Man, you've go to love the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry the risks have been lame the last few weeks, been working on a particularly challenging gig and a lot of my creative energies have gone towards that.

It would be an understatement to say it's been hard: it's been next to impossible. But unlike myself, I've not completelty resorted to kicking my own ass. Not completely at least. Growth, perhaps?

But it seems for the first time, I might come up short on this particular project, and I need to be okay with that. This project was one of my risks to take, and as the jelly fish mishap has taught me: not all risks end in success.

I have had the pleasure of meeting some really great people though...there's always a bright side!

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

Third class, second sketch - and yes: I went first. Three classes in and it's already a running joke. My classmates rock, the instructor rocks; all these element combine to make going first not so scary. And you know what? It feels really nice not to feel as though I am hiding.

TODAY'S RISK: Prep.

So, I've managed to put a lot on my plate; now it's time to streamline. I should have a little bit of space between projects and I want to be ready. Going to make some lists (oh, a little type A on this Tuesday) dream some dreams, make some plans - and get ready to go out swinging!

Day 32: Getting back to basics.

Whenever I pack for vacation, it is inevitable I will forget something as basic as my toothbrush. Of course thanks to the plethora of chain pharmacies that's never really an issue...or is it?

It seems like I am always forgetting the most basic of steps, items, moment...blah, blah, blah.

I think it's time to develop a new motto: keep it simple. Keep what matters.

The basics: they are easy. Happiness is a no-brainer: do the things that make you happy. Friends and Family: just pick up the phone, make the time...so on..

But we miss that sometimes don't we? Well, maybe it's just me. But from here on it, I intend to keep it simple, and keep what matters.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

I did it. I completely rewrote the first sketch. From scratch, no half-ass tweaks. I went back to the drawing board. Now I cannot say if it's better, funnier or anything more than the first. What it is, for me is effort. Trying. Risking. It was well worth the time.

TODAY'S RISK: Third Class.

Third class at UCB tonight. Nervous again, natch. But I am sticking with my plan to go first, which might make me look like a kiss-ass to the class, but for me it's the only way to make sure I actually volunteer to go. Wish me luck!

Day 31: Sunday Moment

One hour and ten minutes...I am hanging on to the weekend. As always. Trying to figure out how to carry over the feel of the weekend into the weekdays. It's what we all wait for isn't it? Each week has a goal: get thee to Friday. There must be a way to make that happen for the five days in between...

I'm looking into it...

YESTERDAY'S RISK

Yesterday I started from scratch on my second sketch for class. It was tough, but it was fun. I realized I was throwing my own creativity out the window and just trying to "do the assignment." That's not what class is about. It's about fleshing out your own talent; not fulfilling a class requirement. I wish I would have realized that one throughout all my schooling...

TODAY'S RISK: Another Rewrite.

One of the other parts of this class is to go back and rewrite an earlier sketch. I am about to do that now. From scratch. With one hour and 3 minutes left on the weekend...let's see how she goes.

Day 30: Thirty Days!

So happy I made it to the big 3-0!

Feels like some sort of accomplishment, or at least that's how I'm going to choose to see it! Quick post, Saturday isn't for computers in my world.

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

I want the Friday risk to revolve around food...yesterday my only option for new and "risky" was to switch to Merlot...lame excuse for a risk. But any step outside of habit is a step ahead, right?

TODAY'S RISK: Rewrite.

I went to finish my second sketch today only to realize I hate it. Instead of just finishing it up, I threw it out. Started from scratch. And finished it. Saved to PDF. It's real now.

Day 29: Long Day, Short Post!

I love the freshness of Friday; a whole weekend of possibility. Although this day of the week has one caveat: it carries the weight of every other work day. The older you get, the more Friday seems to lose it's "let's go out and celebrate" steam...

So here I am, beat - like I'm sure everyone else working through the soupy summer days in NYC is...happy to have a good movie to watch, with a good guy and a good ol' pint of Cookies and Cream...and no, it's not the low-fate variety. The older I get, the more I realize how pointless that is...

YESTERDAY'S RISK:

Yesterday I sat down and wrote out the second sketch, well most of it. Always have a tough time finishing the piece. But it will be done by tomorrow morning...mark me words.

TODAY'S RISK: Try a new food...

I wanted this to be a weekly thing. Problem was, I'd already tried the crazy things on the menu. So, it's pathetic, I know but the only thing I could find to take a chance on was a wine I normally avoid like a steamy subway car: Merlot. It's a paltry risk, and I truly do not enjoy a glass of Merlot. Too thin for my taste. Luckily (or rather sweetly..) WSB ordered my fave Italian wine. Similiar to how my Mom would always order a Grilled Cheese when I was a daring kid that was positive she loved Beef Carpaccio, we pulled the old switch-a-roo. An uneventful risk without a happy ending...it happens. Happy Friday!

Day 28: Risk Pays.

It does, risk pays. And sometimes even in cash. Oh good, I've managed to make myself sound like a prostitute one sentence in.

Here's what I mean, risk is simply setting stakes, putting up an ante of some sort. With every ante you either win or lose in most games, but I'm learning this risk business is win-win - even when you lose. Are you lost? Sorry, let me reach for something resembling clarity.

When you risk something, you put yourself on the line - and you will always come out of it. Even if you lose everything, you have pushed beyond a once-perceived limitation. You have a new threshold, new parameters: you always win, even if you think you've lost.

YESTERDAY'S CHALLENGE:

So for one hour last night, it was just me and my thoughts. It was a rough start. Anyone who has meditated on a regular basis knows the first few minutes are a struggle; once your surroundings are silent your mind gets loud. But after about ten minutes you stop judging your thoughts, and you are almost outside of them looking in. You start to play director to these worries, ideas and there it is: peace and quiet. And you. Somewhere behind our computers, out from our televisions, cell phones and iPods...we manage to survive. I'm making this a regular thing. I would love to say daily but for now, I am going to start with weekly. It's as often as I clean my shower, might as well take care of your sanity as much as my tub.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: Second Sketch.

I have been putting of writing my weekly assignment for sketch. I let me slip a bit in the priority pool, but it's okay - class is Monday, so as long as I am not waiting till Sunday, when it's too late: I am okay with it.

Day 27:

Twenty seven days in, almost the month of February...nice. Honestly I am shocked I have stuck with it. My M.O. has been that of a bad competitive runner: start with all you've got, and burn out by mile two. Maybe I am learning pace as I go...

Or maybe I am still trying to figure out how to hold myself accountable for me. It's a specific kind of accountable; the one that can change your life. I'm getting there, and no one can get me there but me. I checked; Jet Blue doesn't fly you to your ideal life.Otherwise I would have booked the ticket.

YESTERDAY'S RISK: Saying No.

Highly recommend it. It's nice to know that your life and your wants are worth saying yes to. It amazes me how many times I let myself down by not putting any value on what I wanted. I think we all do.

TODAY'S RISK: Silence.

I have been putting this off for about three years. I usually have some type of noise in my house: television, music....computer. Every time I feel far away from everything I love, I tell myself I sit in silence for an hour and figure things out. I have yet to do it. But I am imposing some quiet time, no distractions, even though I crave them. As one of wisest people I know said: "Silence surrounds creativity." Thank you Pam Scott. You are right.

Day 26: Saying No.

Yes or no? Does one make you brave while the other leaves you sitting on the sidelines watching it all go by?

Depends on the question, I'm learning.

There are risks and then there are compromises. More specifically, leaps that get you no where except further from yourself.

So there are no results from yesterday, but this post takes me right into today's risk.

TODAY'S RISK: Saying No.

I apologize ahead for the complete vagueness here. There are certain offers I always have trouble turning down. I don't say yes because it's something I want to do; I say yes because I seem to have convinced myself it's what have to do. It isn't and a don't. An offer came my way, that I am perhaps crazy to pass on in this economy. But I am going to say no. And you know what? Feels really good to know I'm not going to put myself in a position I don't want to be in.

Saying no doesn't always mean you are shutting opportunity out; sometimes it means you are just taking a different road.