Days 55 & 56: Drafts

Well, apparently I hit the wrong button yesterday and instead of posting, I saved as a draft . . .

To be fair, I never claimed to be a computer genius. : )

But instead of just posting yesterday's as though it were today - I am doing a rewrite...much like I am doing right now with most things.

I've spent the last several days rethinking my life. Writing down my life story proved one heck of a challenge; there I was with a blank piece of paper in front of me, and I was lost. Ten years ago that wouldn't have been a problem. But that's the thing about being really young: you are not quite formed yet, so a blank sheet of paper is no threat: that's who you are.

I heard that a lot in my late teens and early twenties, this idea that your personality wasn't anywhere near formed. At the time, I took it in as best I could. Truth be told, I had no idea what people were talking about. How could I not be a fully formed person? I felt like one.

I get it now. You really do change a lot as you grow. A lot. And now, having tried to write my life's story - I am realizing the value of drafts. Here's what I need to admit; I don't truly know exactly what I want anymore. But that's okay.

And if it's okay with you, my risk for the foreseeable future is to try and figure it out. To sit still as best I can and move in an actual direction. For a lot of years I had an idea of my life, but that idea doesn't exist in my day to day anymore. My choices now are to go with it, or write another draft.

I am writing another draft.

It's my risk. To step outside of what I thought I would be, and decide who I am going to become.

Thanks for reading, have a safe and happy 4th!